Swingers Salt Lake CityDiscretion in SLC — how does the Mormon culture affect the lifestyle scene?
We're new to both SLC and the lifestyle. We're not LDS ourselves but most of our neighbors and coworkers are. How do lifestyle couples in Utah navigate the discretion thing? Is there real risk of social consequences if you're found out?
Best Answer
Discretion in SLC is taken more seriously than in any other city we've lived in, and for good reason. The LDS culture is pervasive and the social consequences of being 'outed' can be real — especially if you're in a profession that interacts heavily with the church community, or if your kids go to school with LDS families. That said, here's the reality:
- The lifestyle community here is hyper-discreet — No one uses real names on profiles, face photos are private until you've chatted, and people are very careful about where they discuss things.
- SLC itself is not as Mormon as outsiders think — The city proper is actually quite progressive. It's the suburbs and surrounding areas that are heavily LDS. If you live in the Avenues, Sugar House, or downtown, you're in the more liberal bubble.
- The community is self-policing — Outing someone is the cardinal sin. Everyone understands what's at stake and acts accordingly.
- Use separate everything — Lifestyle-only email, separate app on your phone, maybe even a Google Voice number. Standard advice everywhere but especially important here.
- Edison House is a good cover — It's a private social club downtown that's lifestyle-adjacent. You can mention going there without raising eyebrows since it's a mainstream private club.
Bottom line: yes, take discretion seriously in SLC, but don't let fear stop you. Thousands of Utah couples navigate this successfully.
2 Answers
We're actually ex-LDS and in the lifestyle in SLC. The irony is thick, we know. The truth is that the Mormon culture creates extra motivation for discretion but it doesn't kill the scene — it just pushes it further underground. We know several currently-LDS couples in the lifestyle who are extremely careful. The community respects everyone's need for privacy because many people have a lot to lose. It's actually one of the things that makes the SLC scene feel safer — everyone has skin in the game when it comes to keeping things quiet.
Non-LDS couple who moved here from Portland. The cultural adjustment is real but the lifestyle community is like a secret club within a secret club. Once you're in, people are incredibly warm and supportive. We've found that SLC lifestyle couples tend to become genuine friends because the shared secret creates a bond. Our lifestyle friends are now some of our closest friends, period.